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"It's a nice night, you guys can stay outside."
A hour later, we were home and had finished dinner. The dogs were still outside, and Brandon and I went upstairs. When my mom let them in 15 minutes later, Fry and Rory were not with them. Brandon and my dad went out looking for them while I watched TV and tried to do some schoolwork. 20 minutes later, Brandon came up and asked if I wouldn't mind helping them search. So I donned jeans and a hoodie, pulled on sneakers, and grabbed a flashlight. We scoured the woods behind the house, calling their names over and over again. My dad suggested we check the train tracks, so we made our way through the woods behind him. He got there first, and I heard him say "Tell J to go back up to the road."
Thinking my babies had been flushed out of the woods and had made their way back up toward the road, I rushed through brush and pricker bushes to make it back up there. I burst out of the vegetation to see an empty road under the eerie glare of streetlights, so I started walking away from the house toward the park, calling them. I called my mom to see if they'd come home, and she was crying and blaming herself. I told her not to blame herself, because my babies were wanderers and they did this all the time. I wish I'd known my dad had already called her. I was so angry at them for this.
When I got to the park, I called my husband. Dad picked up the phone. Our conversation was as follows:
Me: Did you guys find them?
Dad: Yes.
Me: Are they okay?
Dad: I'll let you talk to your husband.
Brandon: Hey, babe.
Me: You found them?
Brandon: (voice cracking) Yes.
Me: Are they okay?
Brandon: (crying now) No.
Me: What's wrong with my babies?
Brandon: You need to come home.
Me: Tell me.
Brandon: Just come home.
We disconnected and I sprinted the half mile home, my heart pounding in my chest. I was thinking of all the emergency vets close to my mom's house and how we would afford the care with Brandon unemployed. These thoughts took me through someone's backyard and into the street in front of my parents' house. I came out next to our car and asked my dad where my babies were. His response was "One of them is right there." He slowly moved to the side, his eyes on me.
As he moved, I saw Rory, lying dead on the sidewalk. I shook my head as Brandon walked up, crying. He had enough time to say "I'm sorry, baby." before a supernatural scream tore out of my chest. Over my scream, I could hear him say "They're both gone." I remember screaming "No" over and over again, bringing most of my parents' neighbors out of their homes to see what was wrong. One of them tried to hug me, but I pulled away and crumpled to the ground to cry alone. I reached out for Brandon, but he was standing next to my dad holding a box.
"We have to go get Fry." I nodded numbly, unsure of where I was or what was happening. When they left, I called my boss, still hysterically crying. I let my manager, assistant regional manager, and regional manager know that I would be out for a few days...then I reached out and took Rory's body into my arms. She was covered in dirt and bleeding from a few places, but I didn't care. I wanted to hold her. I cradled her as I made the necessary phone calls, informing my closest friends (all of whom loved them just as much as I did). Listening to them cry made it so much worse, somehow...I could hear my mom sobbing inside the house, and the sound was terribly painful.
Brandon and Dad returned with Fry in a box, but they refused to let me see him...I learned later that he'd been mutilated. Brandon said he'd never forget the sight. We buried them in the yard that night...Rory wrapped in blankets and my favorite school sweatshirt, and Fry in his makeshift coffin with Brandon's favorite Green Lantern t-shirt. We all took the next day off work, except my dad...but he spent the day crying too.
I withdrew from school for the fall semester, unable to bear the emotional torment we'd suffered. Brandon was forced to continue going, so he wouldn't lose his place in the medic program. We wandered through things in a daze for a long time, feeling like the world was spinning without us on it. (Sometimes, it still feels that way.) The outpouring of support was wonderful, but I wanted to die anyway. I missed Fry and Rory with an intensity I was not used to...it felt like the pain would shatter my heart.
The days turned to weeks, and things started to normalize. I still cried daily, but I was able to hold it together better. On October 6th, we made the decision to adopt Moose. He'd been such a comfort to me in the weeks following Fry and Rory's death, and I just couldn't let him go. We started to try to figure out where we would go from this point, and things got a bit hazy. The apartment was ruined and not being repaired. We'd saved up some money, but two large dogs (and one of them being a pit bull) made it incredibly difficult to find a new place.
At the end of October, my dad informed me that his flipper friend (he fixes up houses and resells them) had finished the house he was working on in a nearby town. Brandon and I went to see it and fell in love. However, he wasn't sure if he wanted to owner finance it, and we didn't have enough saved for closing costs.
On November 4th (my birthday!), my mom called me at work to tell me that Randy (not his real name) had called her and offered us the house. I called him, details were laid out, and a date was set to sign the paperwork. The agreement was that we'd put a certain amount down, he would owner finance for up to 7 years, and then we would get a loan for the rest of the amount. It was acceptable, and on November 28th, Brandon and I became the happy owners of a gorgeous new home.
A lot of other stuff has happened too...like our brief decision to try for a baby, Russ (my ex!) and I becoming friends again, and other stuff that is better covered later. I promise to go over it all, if anyone still cares...it's definitely dramatic, otherwise it wouldn't be my life.
Love you all,
J
Hi, everyone! Long time, no post!
Again, I'm sorry...it seems like I'm apologizing more lately than anything else, but that's the way it has to be. I haven't had a spare minute to finish the next chapter of the story...between psych exams, english essays, and anatomy labs/exams, I'm lucky if I remember to take a shower every night. The good news is that my grades are wonderful...I have a 4.0 in Psych, a 3.7 in English, and a 3.0 in Anatomy. I started a study group to bring that anatomy grade up, but it's a LOT of work.
My family is having serious issues right now. My younger sister is dating loser after loser and this latest one is a REAL loser. He's 29 with no job, no car, no degree...he lives with his parents and has a child he doesn't even have custody of. For some reason, my sister was crazy about him and swore they were going to be married. Of course, they broke up after a week...that was a month ago, and they got back together last week. Now they're broken up again, and she's having an absolute breakdown over this pathetic waste of skin. My mom had to leave work early today to keep my sister from doing something stupid, and all my sister did was tear into my mom. Now they're expecting me to censor myself when I talk to her, because telling her she needs to get counseling is apparently not okay. I commented that on her status on Facebook, and she flipped out on my mom and deleted the status. My husband had the nerve to ask if I could delete the comments, which upset me...my anger probably has to do with the fact that it's that time of the month and I'm super emotional, but I am REALLY angry that he asked me to censor myself. What I said was the truth and it needed to be said. Was I out of line, guys?
It's been a really bad week and my emotional mess isn't helping with this whole thing. I just want to lay around and cry, and I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to run away from my life. It scares me.
J
Hey, guys! I had been getting your comments in my e-mail, which goes straight to my phone, and I realized you guys were starting to worry about me.
Let me start by saying I am so sorry for neglecting you guys for the past couple weeks. My anatomy and physiology class, which I absolutely have to get an A in, has been burying me under schoolwork. I'm enjoying it, since I love science, but I barely have a spare moment to breathe! Tonight, I have to write a rough draft for a 4 page essay, do a 2 page article review, and finish work on my A&P labs from the past three weeks. I have to say, I didn't miss being in college, but I'm reveling in it!
Chapter Six is coming along beautifully, but it's already on the third rewrite. My english teacher said she believes the story has real potential, which was great to hear. I'm only a page or so away from finishing it, so I promise to post it soon...sorry the chapters are coming so few and far between!
I also just started my new job...I'm working as a collector for a debt collection agency. It's not glamorous, but the bosses and supervisors are really nice...it's a step up from working at the environmental company. I actually got a call from one of the girls I used to work with at the environmental company last week. She had the audacity to ask me to come back to work there! I had already accepted the position at the collection company, so I bit back the urge to laugh and informed her that it would be impossible due to school and my new job. She reported that back to my old boss, and I heard he wasn't very happy about it. My new company is paying me quite well and I'm only working part time, so the money is sufficient and the hours aren't extensive. Plus, I actually get weekends off, instead of just one day a week.
Brandon and I are doing great...the whole cheating thing is still rearing its ugly head every once in a while, though. Today my friend Mark (the one I spent a lot of time with when I worked at Subway) called to see if I wanted to go to the fair with him next week...despite the fact that Brandon was invited and was going to be there, he still had a lot of jealousy and we had a discussion about the whole situation. I guess the healing process is slow, and I can't expect him to fully trust me again yet...I'm just happy we're still together.
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I Har deKamikaze+Premium+Vol%2E+62i Javascript:PopUp(11503) ed searcho1psearcha Har Dreamwomanjav n t Javascript:PopUp(11503) e Javascript:PopUp(11503) tsearcha Dreamwomanjav posearchisearche Javascript:PopUp(11503) with Fry, Rory, and Moose while Lager watched from the ground. (His 3 legs make it hard for him to bounce now.) When we were done playing, we decided no one felt like cooking and we'd go to Sheetz to pick up dinner. Going inside, I looked down at the dogs and uttered words that haunt me to this day: